Check out my guest blog!

I wonder how many Facebook friends I’ll piss off with this one.  I mean well, though.

READ IT HERE!

Or if you prefer, it’s on her MySpace blog, too.

Oops…

So I’m listening to The Funky Werepig and decide to call in to ask Michael Knost about licorice panties.  Innocent enough, right?

Well, as luck would have it, I had to piss shortly after getting through, but they hadn’t clicked me in yet and I wasn’t even sure when they’d start taking callers, so I figured there was plenty of time.  I’ve got the phone to my ear, enjoying the show while relieving myself, when suddenly Michael says, “Are you peeing?”

He’d clicked me in and I didn’t know it!  Oops.

Well, then I was laughing so hard but trying not to burst out, so tears are streaming down my face instead.  Finally, I admitted it was me and joked along.  I felt a little bad because I didn’t want to ruin Michael’s interview, but then again, Michael is cool as hell, thinking it was hilarious, too (he’s even giving me a book for it!).  And Greg knows me – he was on Metal Crypt last Wednesday talking about having sex with Amish women.

As funny as it was, I wouldn’t dream of just calling shows up and pissing on them.  But as it worked out, I’m glad they got a kick out of it.

And maybe they could start a new contest each week: fifth pisser wins a book!

Later, as I’m sitting in a room by myself so as not to disturb the show while on the phone with them, the dogs run in and start wrestling, making all kinds of noise. Robin comes in and tells the dogs, “Stop it!” because she knows what’s up. While I’m rushing off to another quiet room, Greg goes, “What do you have your dick in now?”

LMAO!  Needless to say, I had a great time on the show, and I was actually trying to behave!  Then again, sometimes that’s when the craziest shit happens.

Okay, here’s where you can listen to the archive of it: DOWNLOAD IT!

And while I highly recommend listening to the entire interview, the bathroom break is 48:50 in.

Happy Halloween!

From our house to yours, we hope you have a happy and safe Halloween.

We’ve been trying to catch up on scary movies we hadn’t seen yet. We watched the Friday the 13th remake and enjoyed it (it was a Jason movie, so we weren’t expecting anything but a fun slasher flick).

Then we watched Drag Me to Hell and loved it.  However, it did scare the piss out of Robin.  Besides all the excellent jump scenes, it had a woman hearing voices, seeing horrible things, and having a demon outside her house, working to break in after her.  If anyone wants a glimpse into Robin’s everyday life, that’s it right there.  So I kept a close eye on her as we watched, stopping it on occasion to calm her down.  She wanted to continue watching it, though.  She enjoyed the actress’ performance, wanted to see if she made it okay, and thinks Justin Long is cute.

I’d had Trick ‘r Treat next on the Netflix queue, but thought maybe I should cool it with the spooky stuff and bumped up the new Transformers movie instead.  That said, we may watch some less threatening flicks that have Halloween-ish atmosphere, like maybe Bram Stoker’s Dracula or Sleepy Hollow.  They don’t scare her and they’re among our favorites.

As for trick or treaters, we got some candy but she doesn’t want to put the light on.  She’s worried about the dogs freaking out too much, and I’m a little worried about her having episodes during all of it.  During them, she already thinks monsters are outside trying to get her, so imagine if she looks outside and sees “monsters” knocking on the door.  She loves the kids, though, so I’ll go along with whatever she feels like at the time.

Yesterday was a perfect, gorgeous Halloweeny day.  After nasty thunderstorms all day Thursday, it was cloudy, 50s-60s, and windy.  We stepped outside, and the sun was peeking out with leaves of all colors and sizes racing about.  Very cool.

We went to our bank because they had it decorated really well and the tellers were all dressed up.  They also had lots of cookies, brownies, punch, etc available for the customers.  Robin was all over that!  There were cookies shaped like fingers and all kinds of fun stuff.  They did a great job!  There were some door prizes to sign up for, too, and one teller held out a pumpkin full of worms.  She said, “Reach in for a worm.  If you get a gray one, you win a prize.”  Robin was leery of reaching in for worms, so I did it first and got a red one.  Once she could see they were gummi worms, she tried it and got a gray one!  So she got a nice mug that she was very pleased with.

Tonight, the bank will have hot dogs and hot cocoa, and she wants to go back for that.  They’re all so nice there.

Even if our lights are off, some friends will bring kids by for candy, so there will be a little fun there, regardless.  And tonight, I intend to watch the live Ghost Hunters.

Don’t forget to set your clocks back!!!

Get some free Nightmare Fuel!

Rob Callahan put together a podcast as a Halloween treat to everyone. It’s called Nightmare Fuel and offers the following stories:

Rob Callahan reads Poe’s “The Conqueror Worm”
MontiLee Stormer reads “I Do This Because I Love You”
Jerrod Balzer reads “Wolf Plugs”
Mark McLaughlin reads “My Friend the Electrical Lint Squid”
Allegra Lingo reads “Lit Up”
Rich Ristow reads “50 Percent Cabell County Whup Ass”
Rob Callahan reads “The Names Have Been Changed to Protect the Survivors”
Wonder Dave reads “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Homophobia”
Mark McLaughlin reads “The Further Adventures of Lizzy Borden”
MontiLee Stormer reads “The Suicide Bar”
S.D. Hintz reads “The Rot of Autumn”
Rich Ristow reads “The Graven Idol’s Godheart”

Check it out!

R.I.P. Vic Mizzy

I’m a few days late in posting this, but Vic Mizzy has passed. If it wasn’t for the catchy tune he’d created for the original “Addams Family” TV show, my childhood wouldn’t have been nearly as fun (and I still sing along with it when watching the show on DVD, and there’s a nice documentary with Vic in the special features).  Thank you, Vic.  You will be missed.

Skullvines Press acquires dark fantasy series!

Skullvines Press is pleased to announce they’ve acquired the dark fantasy series, The Abyss Walker by Shane Moore. The Abyss Walker is foretold to open a portal to the Abyss, allowing hordes of demonic creatures to overtake the world. The six books of the series follow a cast of deep, compelling, and very believable characters ranging from elves, dragons, and dwarves to necromancers, gods, and the undead, as they struggle to either prevent or assist the prophecy, in addition to dealing with their own everyday challenges. The reader is exposed to love, war, humor, and torture, and is sure to be addicted from the very beginning.

The titles are currently available through Wandering Sage Press, who will still be producing hardcover collector’s editions in the near future. Skullvines Press, however, will be releasing trade paperback and digital editions in the following order and approximate times:

Book Five – Birth of a Nation in November ’09 (the most current release, so this will be first)

Book One – The Plea of Apollisian in December ‘09

Book Two – The Trial of Innocence in January ‘10

Book Three – Darrion-Quieness in February ‘10

Book Four – Death of Kings in March ‘10

Book Six – Return of the Father (no cover yet) in August ’10 (Book launch at Gen Con, Indianapolis, IN)

In addition to the above series, Skullvines Press will release the first book of a new novella trilogy in April of 2010, A Wererat’s Tale, which goes back before the Abyss Walker events, to tell the story of the gorgeous wererat assassin, Kellacun.

The new Abyss Walker books will still sport the same artwork, created by the extremely talented Billy Tackett, while A Wererat’s Tale will have cover art by Terry Naughton (former Disney animator, involved with such films as The Lion King, Tarzan, The Little Mermaid, and more).

Furthermore, Birth of a Nation introduces characters patterned after Shane’s good friend, Peter Mayhew (Chewbacca on Star Wars) and family.

The launch of A Wererat’s Tale will take place at Quatre Con in Vallejo, CA, which holds the average attendance of 10-12,000 people. There will be media-covered events of Shane, including an appearance at the USS Hornet and swimming with dolphins. Abyss Walker artist Terry Naughton will be there in support of the book, as well as Peter Mayhew (Chewbacca). The event will also be advertised with the major media in the Oakland area, on the jumbo tron at Six Flags and Six Flags Discovery Kingdom, in front of 1.6 million viewers.

The Abyss Walker series has a huge following. There is a fan club based out of St. Clair, MO, there are four graphic novel spinoffs and role-playing games in the works, an upcoming fan site that will feature webisodes, and three franchise writers are working on more books to expand Shane’s world. And since the Abyss Walker team consists of people involved with such franchises as Star Trek, Star Wars, and Disney films, the series is already a force to be reckoned with.

Here’s what Shane Moore had to say:

“I am elated that Skullvines acquired the Abyss Walker series. Combined with their fine attention to detail, willingness to grow, and standing track record, I would say this is a match made in heaven. I look forward to working with them and continuing to produce powerful and moving stories that have propelled me on my journey to success.”

Keep an eye HERE for ordering information as it comes.

Angry Cats Sound So Weird

Okay, not only did this video about make me piss myself, but it reminds me of a funny story:

When Robin and I were still in Florida and just dating, she lived with/worked for an elderly couple living in the middle of an orange grove.  One night, while I was working night shift at a nearby hotel, she called me up, scared to death.

She said there were these horrible sounds coming from under the house, like screaming demons or something.  I asked for more detail and she likened them to really spooky kids.

My first suggestion was owls.  When I was 12, there was a period where owls would gather near my bedroom window in the middle of the night and yell like kids.  I knew what it was, but the noise would get into my dreams and turn into all sorts of scary monsters.

Nope, she was sure they were under the house, not next to it.  I asked her to mimic the sound, and then I echoed it to make sure.  She said, “That’s it!”  So I told her there were cats fighting under the house, so don’t get too worked up over it.

Relieved, she hung up to go back to sleep.

And… that still wasn’t it.  When she got up the next day, she told the elderly couple about it, and they said it was the peacocks that stroll through the groves from the neighbors’ place, and perch on the roof (not under the house, but I can see where it would be hard to tell) to make a bunch of noise.

But seriously, if you woke up and didn’t know what was making that weird sound, regardless of what it was, I can see how someone would jump out of their skin from it.

Don’t Blame Limbaugh…

I clicked on THIS out of morbid curiosity of what Rush was spouting off about now, but I found LZ Granderson’s commentary pretty thought-provoking. I’m not really a sports fan at all, and the racial aspect of the column was interesting, but I especially liked the response to the phrase, “things ain’t what they used to be.”

How “if we take an honest look at this country’s 233 years, what we will find are moments of brilliance and triumphs, moral bankruptcy and hypocrisy and a great deal of denial and revision by everyone.”

Thoughts?

The Perils of Dating a Lovecraftian Monster

Mark McLaughlin has a new movie column up at Horror Garage, where he dissects The Dunwich Horror!

CHECK IT OUT!

Dark Jesters available at Horror Mall!

Yep, they’ve got Dark Jesters, an anthology of humorous horror, ready to go over at Horror Mall. It includes my story, “Wolf Plugs,” which offers a unique way to ward off werewolves.

ORDER IT NOW!

10 authors/10 tales–1000 laughs—a couple of screams!

FOSSILIZED BRAAAINS by William A. Veselik

THE PLAGUE OF GENTLEMEN by Matthew Fryer

TONGS AND THE ROACH by David T. Wilbanks

BLESS THE BEASTLY CHILDREN by Laura Cooney

WOLF PLUGS by Jerrod Balzer

HACKS by Sam Battrick

PAPA’S GOT A BRAND NEW BAG by Robert Guffey

CURSE OF THE BLIND EEL by James Roy Daley

RETIREMENT by Rob Brooks

DEADNECK WOMAN by Mark Justice

Over at the Metal Crypt, we had Nick Cato on a few weeks back to talk about it, and had lots of fun. Check it out: