Archive for the Life Category

Happy anniversary to us!

Posted in Life with tags , , , , , , on February 6, 2010 by Jerrod Balzer

Our wedding anniversary is actually tomorrow, the 7th, but in case I’m not on the computer so much then, I’m saying it now.

We’ve been together ten years, and married for seven of them. And I wouldn’t trade ’em for anything.

We got ourselves Dollhouse Season One on Blu-ray (thanks to a heads up on Whedonesque when it was Amazon’s deal of the day) so we’ll be enjoying that all day, then have supper at a great new Chinese place that opened in Keokuk. She’s excited so it sounds like a plan to me!


A funny thing happened at Wal-Mart

Posted in Life with tags , , , , , , on December 1, 2009 by Jerrod Balzer

We were at Wal-Mart the other day to pick up some meds, and I stopped in the front restroom for a minute. When I walked in, a blind man was leaving a stall with his dark glasses and swinging his cane as he approached the sink to wash up. I wasn’t at the urinal long, so I went to the sink right as he was leaving.

Outside the doorway, I heard the cleaning guy asking the blind man if there was anyone else in there. He said, “No,” and walked on. The cleaning guy was getting his cart in position to block off the doorway while I was coming out. He let out a frustrated groan and pushed the cart back to let me through.

I bit my tongue and tried not to laugh. The dumbass asked a blind man if there was anyone else in the bathroom – I’m sure he didn’t see anyone! – and gets frustrated that I was inside. The cleaning guy had no one to groan at but himself.

I dunno. Maybe I should have farted or something to announce my presence.

Robin thought I was dead last night

Posted in Life, Robin Balzer with tags , , on December 1, 2009 by Jerrod Balzer

I was making supper last night (venison stew over egg noodles) and while normally I find ways of working without using knives – that way I don’t accidentally leave one around, unattended – I needed one for the round steak. Meanwhile, my brother was watching Bones in the next room. I took a quick bathroom break, forgetting to take the knife with me, and in that short amount of time, Robin grabbed the knife, pressed it against her wrist, and went into the living room, screaming at my brother, “Tell me where he is! Tell me where he is or I’ll do it, I swear! Jerrod is NOT dead!”

He was taking the knife from her when I came running into the room. She only had a tiny cut from the pressure so I put a band aid on it. Damn it, see why I just don’t use knives? I get so caught up in whatever I’m doing that it’s too easy to leave one sitting on the counter. I usually just do what I can with butter knives.

Anyway, on that particular episode of Bones, the guy who’d been killed was named Jerrod, so they kept talking about what was done to him and that he was dead. That was enough to set Robin off. When I put my hands on her shoulders, she whipped around, buried her face in my chest, and said, “If you die, I die.”

Afterward, I had a fun night with her as she knocked kitchen chairs over, etc. She also made herself some Kool-Aid and started screaming about all the blood. She’d used cherry flavored and the color as it mixed set her off.

Stressful day, and I still can’t shake these horrible headaches and muscle spasms from last week, so they don’t help. Doctor appointment is Friday.

Today is better, though, and Robin has been pretty busy around the house doing laundry and dishes. Those are the two main chores that she does around the house. No bleach for the laundry because she’s tried to drink it in the past, but she’s fine with detergent and dish soap for the dishes.

Hands are full today!

Posted in Life, Robin Balzer with tags , , , on November 16, 2009 by Jerrod Balzer

We needed to go grocery shopping today. It’s pouring rain so we didn’t want to travel the half hour to where the better stores were. So we grabbed what deals we could find locally. And the weather was causing Robin to have all sorts of episodes throughout. She was shaking her head around, saying something was in her hair when it was only rain droplets. And at one point, she pushed the cart nearly into the store manager’s office while I was comparing prices.

Overall, we got through it okay. A few cute moments (I thought) was when I put a gallon of milk in the cart, she put a half-gallon of chocolate milk in it, too. I knew it’d help how she felt, so that was cool. But then I saw they had some egg nog and mint chocolate milk out now, and she really lit up when I pointed it out. We got those instead of the regular chocolate.

Another was the strange looks we got when she started chanting, “Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill…”

Knowing she’s not that dangerous, I asked her, “Kill what?”

She said, “Kill 580..” rattling off a string of numbers while looking down at her bottle of cherry 7-Up. I looked at the cap and it read, “K11 580..” and so on. It’s funny how something so innocent as misreading a soda cap can look so scary to outsiders.

She’s taking a nap now, probably the best thing for her right now. And the roof appears to be leaking right above the computer… again. It’s not leaking through, but I hear the occasional tapping on the drop-ceiling. So I’ll be keeping my eye on that.

Well, back to work on Skullvines Press stuff! It’s a great stress reliever for me.


Posted in Life with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on November 1, 2009 by Jerrod Balzer

So I’m listening to The Funky Werepig and decide to call in to ask Michael Knost about licorice panties.  Innocent enough, right?

Well, as luck would have it, I had to piss shortly after getting through, but they hadn’t clicked me in yet and I wasn’t even sure when they’d start taking callers, so I figured there was plenty of time.  I’ve got the phone to my ear, enjoying the show while relieving myself, when suddenly Michael says, “Are you peeing?”

He’d clicked me in and I didn’t know it!  Oops.

Well, then I was laughing so hard but trying not to burst out, so tears are streaming down my face instead.  Finally, I admitted it was me and joked along.  I felt a little bad because I didn’t want to ruin Michael’s interview, but then again, Michael is cool as hell, thinking it was hilarious, too (he’s even giving me a book for it!).  And Greg knows me – he was on Metal Crypt last Wednesday talking about having sex with Amish women.

As funny as it was, I wouldn’t dream of just calling shows up and pissing on them.  But as it worked out, I’m glad they got a kick out of it.

And maybe they could start a new contest each week: fifth pisser wins a book!

Later, as I’m sitting in a room by myself so as not to disturb the show while on the phone with them, the dogs run in and start wrestling, making all kinds of noise. Robin comes in and tells the dogs, “Stop it!” because she knows what’s up. While I’m rushing off to another quiet room, Greg goes, “What do you have your dick in now?”

LMAO!  Needless to say, I had a great time on the show, and I was actually trying to behave!  Then again, sometimes that’s when the craziest shit happens.

Okay, here’s where you can listen to the archive of it: DOWNLOAD IT!

And while I highly recommend listening to the entire interview, the bathroom break is 48:50 in.

Happy Halloween!

Posted in Life with tags , , , , , , on October 31, 2009 by Jerrod Balzer

From our house to yours, we hope you have a happy and safe Halloween.

We’ve been trying to catch up on scary movies we hadn’t seen yet. We watched the Friday the 13th remake and enjoyed it (it was a Jason movie, so we weren’t expecting anything but a fun slasher flick).

Then we watched Drag Me to Hell and loved it.  However, it did scare the piss out of Robin.  Besides all the excellent jump scenes, it had a woman hearing voices, seeing horrible things, and having a demon outside her house, working to break in after her.  If anyone wants a glimpse into Robin’s everyday life, that’s it right there.  So I kept a close eye on her as we watched, stopping it on occasion to calm her down.  She wanted to continue watching it, though.  She enjoyed the actress’ performance, wanted to see if she made it okay, and thinks Justin Long is cute.

I’d had Trick ‘r Treat next on the Netflix queue, but thought maybe I should cool it with the spooky stuff and bumped up the new Transformers movie instead.  That said, we may watch some less threatening flicks that have Halloween-ish atmosphere, like maybe Bram Stoker’s Dracula or Sleepy Hollow.  They don’t scare her and they’re among our favorites.

As for trick or treaters, we got some candy but she doesn’t want to put the light on.  She’s worried about the dogs freaking out too much, and I’m a little worried about her having episodes during all of it.  During them, she already thinks monsters are outside trying to get her, so imagine if she looks outside and sees “monsters” knocking on the door.  She loves the kids, though, so I’ll go along with whatever she feels like at the time.

Yesterday was a perfect, gorgeous Halloweeny day.  After nasty thunderstorms all day Thursday, it was cloudy, 50s-60s, and windy.  We stepped outside, and the sun was peeking out with leaves of all colors and sizes racing about.  Very cool.

We went to our bank because they had it decorated really well and the tellers were all dressed up.  They also had lots of cookies, brownies, punch, etc available for the customers.  Robin was all over that!  There were cookies shaped like fingers and all kinds of fun stuff.  They did a great job!  There were some door prizes to sign up for, too, and one teller held out a pumpkin full of worms.  She said, “Reach in for a worm.  If you get a gray one, you win a prize.”  Robin was leery of reaching in for worms, so I did it first and got a red one.  Once she could see they were gummi worms, she tried it and got a gray one!  So she got a nice mug that she was very pleased with.

Tonight, the bank will have hot dogs and hot cocoa, and she wants to go back for that.  They’re all so nice there.

Even if our lights are off, some friends will bring kids by for candy, so there will be a little fun there, regardless.  And tonight, I intend to watch the live Ghost Hunters.

Don’t forget to set your clocks back!!!

Angry Cats Sound So Weird

Posted in Cool stuff, Life, Robin Balzer with tags , , , , , on October 19, 2009 by Jerrod Balzer

Okay, not only did this video about make me piss myself, but it reminds me of a funny story:

When Robin and I were still in Florida and just dating, she lived with/worked for an elderly couple living in the middle of an orange grove.  One night, while I was working night shift at a nearby hotel, she called me up, scared to death.

She said there were these horrible sounds coming from under the house, like screaming demons or something.  I asked for more detail and she likened them to really spooky kids.

My first suggestion was owls.  When I was 12, there was a period where owls would gather near my bedroom window in the middle of the night and yell like kids.  I knew what it was, but the noise would get into my dreams and turn into all sorts of scary monsters.

Nope, she was sure they were under the house, not next to it.  I asked her to mimic the sound, and then I echoed it to make sure.  She said, “That’s it!”  So I told her there were cats fighting under the house, so don’t get too worked up over it.

Relieved, she hung up to go back to sleep.

And… that still wasn’t it.  When she got up the next day, she told the elderly couple about it, and they said it was the peacocks that stroll through the groves from the neighbors’ place, and perch on the roof (not under the house, but I can see where it would be hard to tell) to make a bunch of noise.

But seriously, if you woke up and didn’t know what was making that weird sound, regardless of what it was, I can see how someone would jump out of their skin from it.