Archive for Jerrod Balzer

Regarding the Skullvines forum

Posted in News, Skullvines Press with tags , , , , , , , on April 16, 2010 by Jerrod Balzer

A lot of you now know what happened to the Skullvines forum but some may not, so I thought I’d offer the details.

But first off, please accept my sincere apologies. While there was one point to the crash where an error message came up saying, “Hacker?” I think it was something I did.

Since I was on Skype with S.D. discussing opening a new store at the time, he was there when it happened. I was upgrading it to the latest version, which involved getting into the server and messing with files there. Something went wrong and it was most likely user error on my part. It was also my first day of being on depakote, so I probably shouldn’t have been screwing with anything too complicated.

Going from memory, this is approximately how our Skype conversation went down:

JB: Got the upgrade done, and all seems okay.

SD: Great!

JB: Wait, where’d the news feed go?

SD: Hm, I can’t embed YouTube videos anymore.

JB: I bet the mods that allow that stuff didn’t take well to the upgrade. Wait, there’s a bunch of gibberish at the top of the screen now.

SD: I see that? I wonder what it is.

JB: I’ll uninstall those mods to see if it goes away… nope, now there’s more.

SD: Could it be something with the theme? Maybe we should try another.

JB: Yeah, I’ll switch to the basic theme for now… Nope still there. And I can’t switch back to any other themes now! What the hell?

SD: Man, that’s weird. Can’t we re-install?

JB: I’m worried we’d lose all the posts. I can’t seem to get back-up working.

SD: Damn.

JB: Shitty SMF.

SD: They’ve been giving us problems since day one. There was another software to use, wasn’t there? Maybe we should us that, instead.

JB: Good idea! I only went with SMF cuz I love the Twisted Sister song of the same name… Hey, I have an idea! Since we just created the site for the new store we’re getting ready for, let’s start the new forum there. It would make more sense to have it in a store so all the customers and companies can hang there.

SD: But the store isn’t ready yet.

JB: True, but we could have the forum going and work on the store from there. Everybody knows we do things ass-backwards, anyway.

SD: I agree. Let’s do it.

JB: And I can try to copy/paste as many cool posts from the old and bring them to the new, so a lot of that hard work isn’t lost. We could let the users do it, too, if they want. Then kill the old one after that.

SD: Sure, if they want to do that. It’s a good option.

JB: Wait, it’s not there anymore. Now there’s just a bunch of error crap all over the screen. I think it’s crashed and burned.

SD: Oh shit. Well, I’ll let people know. They’ll be asking what happened.

JB: Just blame me. I’m sure I did something wrong.

SD: And what’s funny is you were able to get a message on the news feed saying, “We’re upgrading. Let us know if anything goes apeshit.”

JB: Ha! Well, I think it did. Just tell everyone I burned it to the ground.

So there you have it. The paranoid part of me is concerned that people will thing it was done on purpose just to move it to the store’s site. Not true. I put a lot of hard work into that site, as well as all the users. There were great posts there that I (and I’m sure others) would dread trying to recreate. So it was far from intentional. But with the new one, I’ve already done an upgrade and it went perfectly. It’s a much easier program to work with, so I don’t think we’ll have a repeat. And it’s like SD said to me, “It’s the Internet where shit like this can happen at anytime, unfortunately. Everyone knows we work hard to keep the entertainment level as high as we can, and we’d never want to fuck that up on purpose.”

The store-in-progress is The Merchant’s Keep and we already have a lot of stores preparing to work with us. It will sell all genres on a consignment basis, and we’ll take a smaller cut than most (if not all) other stores. We figure stores get too greedy and therefore cut the throats of small presses, who are having enough trouble keeping afloat in today’s market.

If you’d like to watch the store being built, CLICK HERE. We’ll announce when it’s ready. Right now, we’re currently getting the Skullvines books up there while we wait on other companies’ products to arrive. Once it’s live, we intend to kill the bookstore at the Skullvines site – it will go back to descriptions of our titles with links to buy at the store. There’s really no sense in running two bookstores, selling identical products, when they come from the same place.

Oh! And CLICK HERE to go to the new forum. I believe the bugs are worked out, but let us know if you find any. This one is also more compatible with various browsers, where the old one wasn’t.

We appreciate your understanding and patience. We’ll try to make everything as smooth as possible, and in the end, we believe it will have improved things. We’re expanding, after all, and just in time for the 3rd anniversary of Skullvines Press!

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I’ll have a story in Dead West!

Posted in Jerrod's writing with tags , , , , , on February 28, 2010 by Jerrod Balzer

My western horror story, “A Show of Rage,” has been accepted for the anthology, Dead West: 13 Tales of Murder and Mayhem by Bandersnatch Books!

Woohoo! And I’m extremely proud to be included with such great talent. Here’s the full table of contents:

Jerrod Balzer – A Show of Rage

Steve Vernon – Border Crossing

Hunter Lambright – Things Worse Than Ghosts

Daniel I. Russell – Rainchild and the Trickster

Rick Hautala – Screaming Head

Steve Rasnic Tem – Sleeping Ute

Lisa Morton – St. Thomas of El Paso

Harry Shannon – The Reckoning

Martel Sardina – The Turtle’s Only Friend

Michael Knost – Thinning the Herd

Maurice Broaddus – Trails End

Steven Shrewsbury – Boston Corbet:: Castro Gunfighter

Matthew Pizzolato – Windigo

Calling DL Snell on The Funky Werepig

Posted in Events, Skullvines Press with tags , , , , , , , on February 9, 2010 by Jerrod Balzer

A few weekends ago, S.D. Hintz, Mark McLaughlin and I were back at my house from Visioncon, and we decided to call in to the Funky Werepig and mess with them. D.L. Snell happened to be the guest that night and he was a great sport! S.D. made the call into a YouTube video using pictures from Visioncon:

Visioncon 2010 pics!

Posted in Events with tags , , , , , , , on January 26, 2010 by Jerrod Balzer

Okay, here’s some pics from last weekends Visioncon. We want to thank everyone who came out for making it such a blast, and the staff was top notch. Dave, the head honcho, did a fantastic job once again, and we look forward to next year!

S.D. Hintz and Cullen Bunn

Mark McLaughlin, Jerrod Balzer, S.D. Hintz, Russ Dickerson, & Cullen Bunn

Wrath James White and S.D. Hintz

Wrath James White and Jerrod Balzer

Roy C. Booth and Jerrod Balzer

Shane Moore (right) with his personal security guard, Josh

Help! Mark McLaughlin is in danger!

Jerrod Balzer and his meat stick

Brian Keene has a strange effect on Jerrod Balzer

Brian Keene and S.D. Hintz urinating on Jerrod's book

And there’s more elsewhere, for sure. Hope to see more of you next time!

ZOMBIE BASTARD is on the way!

Posted in Jerrod's writing with tags , , , , , , , on January 12, 2010 by Jerrod Balzer

Get your gun and watch for dangerous boobies! My new novella is at the printers via Novello Publishers! Got a Kindle or other reader? There’s a digital edition, too!

Order the paperback at Horror Mall by clicking HERE or the digital edition HERE (you can download a free excerpt there, also), or you can email the publisher for information on direct paperback orders via PayPal: NickYak@aol.com

Zombie

A delayed curse is taking effect, engulfing a Missouri town with the undead. Leading the onslaught is a creature that lacks mercy or compassion, only an intense drive to see the curse through. Its fate was sealed years ago, simply for being born a…

Bastard

Trevor is dealing with a curse of his own: he has the runs. On a desperate trek to visit his ailing mother, he searches for a decent place to relieve the pressure before moving on. All he wants is to have a movement in peace, but that Zombie Bastard won’t let him.

And that rockin’ cover art is by Caroline O’Neal!

Get some free Nightmare Fuel!

Posted in Cool stuff, Jerrod's writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 24, 2009 by Jerrod Balzer

Rob Callahan put together a podcast as a Halloween treat to everyone. It’s called Nightmare Fuel and offers the following stories:

Rob Callahan reads Poe’s “The Conqueror Worm”
MontiLee Stormer reads “I Do This Because I Love You”
Jerrod Balzer reads “Wolf Plugs”
Mark McLaughlin reads “My Friend the Electrical Lint Squid”
Allegra Lingo reads “Lit Up”
Rich Ristow reads “50 Percent Cabell County Whup Ass”
Rob Callahan reads “The Names Have Been Changed to Protect the Survivors”
Wonder Dave reads “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Homophobia”
Mark McLaughlin reads “The Further Adventures of Lizzy Borden”
MontiLee Stormer reads “The Suicide Bar”
S.D. Hintz reads “The Rot of Autumn”
Rich Ristow reads “The Graven Idol’s Godheart”

Check it out!

Dark Jesters available at Horror Mall!

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on October 15, 2009 by Jerrod Balzer

Yep, they’ve got Dark Jesters, an anthology of humorous horror, ready to go over at Horror Mall. It includes my story, “Wolf Plugs,” which offers a unique way to ward off werewolves.

ORDER IT NOW!

Dark Jesters

10 authors/10 tales–1000 laughs—a couple of screams!

FOSSILIZED BRAAAINS by William A. Veselik

THE PLAGUE OF GENTLEMEN by Matthew Fryer

TONGS AND THE ROACH by David T. Wilbanks

BLESS THE BEASTLY CHILDREN by Laura Cooney

WOLF PLUGS by Jerrod Balzer

HACKS by Sam Battrick

PAPA’S GOT A BRAND NEW BAG by Robert Guffey

CURSE OF THE BLIND EEL by James Roy Daley

RETIREMENT by Rob Brooks

DEADNECK WOMAN by Mark Justice

Over at the Metal Crypt, we had Nick Cato on a few weeks back to talk about it, and had lots of fun. Check it out: